You can’t make yourself feel bad enough about the past to change it. Ultimately, self-loathing is as narcissistic as self-torture is wasteful. The fact is, those distracting pursuits help no one…not those injured by your mistakes nor you who made them.

There is a better, healthier way forward, a way paved with both humility and hope, a way that neither diminishes the past nor destroys the future. It is a path marked by bravely honest self-awareness, a radical commitment to acknowledge wrongs done, and an unwavering willingness to take responsibility for the harm those wrongs caused.

And, finally, this corrective process is most effective when it includes self-compassion. Disqualifying yourself from a good and peaceful future is not a requirement of genuine repentance nor helpful in the making of amends.

So do yourself and everyone in your life a favor, even those most affected by your flaws and frailties, take the energy you’ve been spending beating yourself up, forgive yourself, and live a better life.