According to the gospels, Jesus wasn’t married.
Jesus didn’t have children.
People have still allowed him to lead their entire lives.
The same is true for the apostle Paul and countless others in the Christian tradition.
Should Joan of Arc have her sainthood revoked because she didn’t have children? What about Mother Teresa?
As someone who was single for the majority of my pastoral ministry, this notion that not having a wife or children being tied to my ability to lead was constantly used against me.
It was deeply hurtful and condescending. I found myself thinking often, “do you think I can control when I meet the right person? Am I not to wait on God for a wife and family to happen on God’s timing?”
Hearing the stories about how female members of the clergy were treated about their leadership and being married or having kids, I couldn’t believe how demeaning and disrespectful the comments were, even in a denomination that claimed to “affirm women in ministry.”
I think this attitude has more to do with not approving of women in positions of authority than it does anything else.
Reducing someone’s value and abilities to whether or not they have a family or children is deeply insulting and totally dismissive of their lived experience and the call that God has placed on their lives.
You have no idea if God called them to be single and celibate.
You have no idea if God called a couple to be married but not have kids.
You have no idea if someone wants kids but can’t have them because of whatever reason.
You have no idea if they wanted to be married but never met the right person.
You have no idea how the circumstances of life has played out for someone.
If we don’t think God calls people to be leaders even within these various contexts, then there is something missing from our theology and understanding of Christian history.
Tying leadership to being married or having children has nothing to do with love, compassion, or understanding. It has nothing to do with a deeply articulated theology or understanding of church history. It has nothing to do with Jesus. It has everything to do with power and control.
May we as the church reckon with our theology that causes us to see singleness and childlessness as somehow causing someone to be of less value.